This is the beginning of the story of Random Wilson. All characters and events are pure fiction.
Random Wilson stepped out his front door and right into the hole where his front porch used to be. Dazed and bewildered, he pushed himself up from the face down position he landed in. Spitting mud, cussin' mad he demanded from the universe in general, "What the fuck?"
How could someone remove the porch and dig this hole so quietly that he didn't even wake up? Looking up he noticed that the decking boards of the porch had been broken off, not cut. That must have made a lot of noise. Yet he heard nothing.
Ankle deep in water he tried not to drown in the downpour as he looked up, trying to figure out how to get out of this hole. It was too deep for him to reach the lip and far too muddy to climb out. As hard as the rain was coming down maybe he could just tread water until the hole was full, then just climb out.
He checked to see if his phone was still in his pocket. Yes! Now does it still work after being soaked in the muddy water? Flipping it open, he hoped it worked. The phone lit up nicely. It worked! Dialing his best friend's number he wondered if he shouldn't dial 911 instead.
"Joe, come get me out of this hole," he demanded.
"I'm in a hole where my front porch is supposed to be."
"No, I don't know how it got here. I stepped out my front door and fell into this hole. Damn near broke my neck."
"I can't climb out, the hole is at least fifteen feet deep and it's raining so hard everything is mud. I just slide around when I try."
"Just hurry. Yes, I promise I won't go anywhere."